The Hatchetfield Ape-Man

JAIME:

Here’s a lil story ‘bout the Hatchetfield Ape-Man

He was born some place in the fuckin’ woods

He is tall, he is short

He’s good or bad at sports

The point is that nobody knows

All I know about the Hatchetfield Ape-Man

He’s an ape... man

AL:

Wooly Foot

His name is Wooly Foot

His name is Wooly Foot

JAIME:

What’s that name?

AL:

He’s five foot-ten or he’s four foot-eight

JAIME:

I remember when I met the Hatchetfield Ape-Man

AL:

You met him?

JAIME:

Yep.

AL:

You met him?

JAIME:

Uh huh.

We talked politics and how he leaned left and right

AL:

Oooh

JAIME:

Ah

AL:

Oooh

JAIME:

Ah

He has two left feet but he dances the can-can

AL:

He can?

JAIME:

Are you even listening?

AL:

He can?

JAIME:

He weighs two dozen tons but he’s rather slight

Nothin’?

AL:

…

JAIME:

Okay!

He eats meat, he eats grass,

He gets tons of ape ass

Honestly why do you care?

If you wanna know how the legend himself began

Ask the ape... this is so stupid, he’s not even real... man!

AL:

Wooly Foot

His name is Wooly Foot

His name is Wooly Foot

He’s a real nice guy that could rip off your face!

JAIME:

Wait... What’s that?

AL:

Wooly Foot

JAIME:

He can rip off your face?

AL:

His name is Wooly Foot

JAIME:

No he can’t. That’s not real. Seriously?

AL:

His name is Wooly Foot

JAIME:

He CANNOT rip off your face... are you fucking high?